I forgive myself
the strongest shield against the punishing thoughts
A boundary felt like this line I “should” learn to draw around myself to finally feel safe and at ease in my relationships
I just never got the placing right. It was either too close to me that I felt suffocated, or
too far from me that it felt performative
But lately, it’s as if lines are melting rapidly
not to the other world
in the inner world
the lines between me and the parts of me that were hurting so deeply while I was busy “saving” others and playing god
and in that melting, I suddenly found a deep sense of okay-ness in failing at being the “good” friend, wife, daughter, sister, business owner, and human…
I found myself whispering
<I forgive myself>
This phrase has become the strongest shield against the most intrusive thoughts that would paralyze me with shame and guilt before
I forgive myself for not doing better
I forgive myself for failing them
I forgive myself for not wanting to do that
I forgive myself for needing that
I forgive myself for not having more capacity
I forgive myself for wanting better than this for myself
I forgive myself
If you’ve always tried to be the understanding one for everyone except yourself, self-forgiveness may be the medicine you need for your broken places.
As I’m finding the fine line between being human and doing better in the world while “surviving” in a world that is so heartbreaking at times, I came across this by June Singer:
“A wise person once said that the goal of the masculine principle is perfection and the goal of the feminine principle is completion. If you are perfect, you cannot be complete, because you must leave out all of imperfections of your nature. If you are complete, you cannot be perfect, for being complete means that you contain good and evil, right and wrong, hope and despair. So perhaps it is best to be content with something less than perfection and something less than completion. Perhaps we need to be more willing to accept life as it comes”
Maybe being content with life as it comes starts with forgiving ourselves for who we weren’t and who we no longer want to be.
I continue showing up here because I believe this is my life’s work. These days, I do that with an aching heart for my country and a longing to see my parents’ faces on FaceTime again soon. Keep my people in your prayers and thoughts.
👁️ What has your body been trying to tell you?
The way we hold ourselves matters. Not just because of how it looks. But because it shapes how we live, how we relate, and what we’re capable of imagining. Let your body speak. Let it interrupt the collective war and offer you a new way of being entirely.
Start Your Unconditioning Path ↓
A 16-week journey that combines nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused strength training to address the root cause of your pain, not just symptoms.
What’s next?
Monthly Unconditioning Practice
Jan 28th. Wednesday. 4 pm GMT
This session helps you reconnect with your body's innate wisdom, move beyond what keeps you stuck, and rediscover who you are beneath the conditioning.
You'll follow the rhythm within and the pulse of the music to guide yourself back to the wild Self.
Each month, we gather for:
Nonlinear movement with music to shake off tension and emotional residue
Guided reflection to integrate what the month brought
Intentional planning to meet the next cycle grounded and resourced
Show up exactly as you are. Leave feeling more alive, grounded, and free.
What to bring:
Comfortable clothes
Plenty of space to move around
A pen and paper
Thank you for joining me on the path of unconditioning,
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Hedi Shah
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👁️ Mindfulness Teacher & Bodyworker
🐉 Nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused strength training to target the cause of what keeps you stuck and in pain, not just symptoms.
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