Safety vs Comfort
The confrontation I needed
The human mind loves comfort, and it creates all forms of stories to justify its needs for that.
I hate to admit it out loud, but for so long, I confused my brain's need for comfort with my nervous system's need for safety.
Here is the dictionary meaning of these two words in English:
Safety: the condition of being protected from or unlikely to cause danger, risk, or injury.
Comfort: a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
The disruption of our state of ease does not always mean we are in a condition that is likely to cause danger, risk, or injury. Sometimes it's purely resistance to change, which relates beautifully to inertia, a core principle of Newton's first law of motion, which says that an object in motion remains in motion. An object at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by an external force.
For example, if you've ever been out of the habit of exercising and want to get back to a routine, it feels the same. Even though it disrupts your current state of ease, you know that over time, it will bring a significant improvement in your life.
In June, I led my regular wellbeing circle for a group of entrepreneurs. At the beginning of each circle, I ask everyone to share a thorn and a rose. There are certain months when the sharing part can be extra thorny, and this month was one of them.
Even though I was comfortable allowing space for people's challenges, my attention was hijacked by worrying thoughts about how new people in the room might not feel "safe". Many found reassurance in others' shares, but only a few felt deeply triggered by it, and they expressed their concerns to me through messages or feedback.
After the session, I found myself spiralling and thinking about how I could make the space "safer". I started thinking about all the rules I could add. But luckily, I caught myself remembering that when I cling to rules to "improve", it's not about improvement; it's about control, and it is often rooted in fear. And it goes against my commitment to my path of unconditioning.
When I acknowledged my fear, I had a massive breakthrough. The space didn't lack safety; it lacked comfort for some, including myself. Yes, I was comfortable allowing space for challenges, but I wasn't comfortable letting other people be uncomfortable in the space I hold.
The question that I had to sit with was: do I want to surrender to the conditioned narrative of "safety", or do I prefer to create brave spaces where we feel safe to be human and move through our discomfort?
Most people confuse comfortable spaces with safe spaces. Over the years, I've heard people in the wellbeing space throw the phrase "we hold safe spaces" around too casually, much like how we use "holistic" or "empathic", so that the words lose their essence.
These days, I wonder how I can practice holding brave spaces where we feel safe being human. Because I'm not here to keep feeding a system where:
We dull down everything so no one has to feel discomfort,
We talk about inclusivity, but only if we get to control who's included,
We talk about wellbeing, light and love, but look away from people's suffering
We tiptoe around, scared to say the wrong thing, trying to remember all the rules,
We keep adding more boundaries to avoid hard conversations,
And we're all expected to think the same, so that we can stay comfortable.
I know that along the way, my assignment is to learn to regulate myself in the face of discomfort.
Now, my friend, have you noticed how the sensation of discomfort feels in your body? How does your posture change when you think of the last uncomfortable position you were in?
In this week's video, I'll guide you through a simple practice to reset your posture and return to a position of neutrality, where you feel the most of your 'I Am' energy, without needing to perform or hide away. Instead, you can arrive as your human self, even in discomfort, because your I-amness is what the world needs right now!
👁️ What your body has been trying to tell you?
If you want to go deeper and explore your body’s story, take this quiz to see what patterns show up for you!
The way we hold ourselves matters. Not just because of how it looks. But because it shapes how we live, how we relate, and what we’re capable of imagining. Let your body speak. Let it interrupt the collective war and offer you a new way of being entirely.
Client’s Unconditioning ↓
If you feel called to explore working with me to re-pattern your body, regulate your nervous system, and restore your power, book an alignment call here: https://tidycal.com/hedishah/alignment-call
Offerings↓ ↓
꩜ Monthly Reset
August 25 . Wednesday . 3 pm GMT
These sessions are designed to release the stress you have been carrying, reconnect with your body’s wisdom, and step into the new month with clarity and intention. In the final week of each month, we will come together for:
• Nonlinear movement to shake off tension and emotional residue
• Guided reflection to integrate what the month brought
• Intentional planning to meet the next cycle grounded and resourced
This is about returning to your center, unconditioning yourself from systems built to keep you small, and living a sovereign life. Come as you are.
Leave lighter, clearer, and more connected.
Prepration:
- Wear comfy clothes
- Have plenty of space to move around
- Bring a pen and paper
Duration: 45-60 mins
Where: Insight Timer
Cost: Free or donation-based
Thank you for joining me on the path of unconditioning,
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Hedi Shah
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👁️ Bodyworker & Mindfulness Teacher
🌊 Teaching change makers to uncondition their bodies, nervous systems, and voices from systems built to keep them small so they can move, speak, and live with sovereign power.
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