The irony of writing this as a mindfulness teacher and bodyworker isn’t lost on me. But the path of unconditioning asks us to question even the things we thought were helping us to become free.
During our second week of Posture in Motion, we talked about the importance of discerning whether what we’re learning is helping us feel freer or simply giving the small self more sophisticated ways to keep us trapped. We can use awareness to understand ourselves and others, or turn it into constant monitoring.
You notice your patterns, but instead of that awareness giving you more choice, it gives you more reasons to attack yourself. What you’ve learned becomes a case against your worth.
And instead of trusting yourself more, you feel small, overwhelmed, ashamed, guilty, or afraid. Rather than helping you feel freer, the work becomes another way to keep yourself trapped.
The same can happen in how we perceive others. What we’ve learned becomes a lens for judging them rather than understanding them.
In my personal experience, there’s a fine line between awareness and vigilance. Vigilance can feel like awareness, but in reality it’s loaded with judgment. You are no longer just noticing what’s happening; you are also watching yourself or others for signs of getting something wrong.
I’ve been wondering how I can be more discerning about the inner work I practice and teach, and whether it’s creating more freedom or reinforcing the patterns that keep us trapped.
💚 When you’re ready, here are four ways I can support you:
Discover Your Body’s Story: a free five-minute quiz to understand what your body may be telling you—especially if you feel wired but drained, stuck in a loop, or disconnected from yourself.
Apply for the next Posture in Motion: a small-group posture and somatic practice to help you feel more at home in your body, move with greater ease, and shift the patterns keeping you tense, braced, or in pain.
Hire me for a Live Experience: immersive virtual and in-person wellbeing events that bring the body back into the conversation through nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused practices.
Practice with me live on Insight Timer: join my Monthly Unconditioning Practice to reconnect with your body’s wisdom, or an Embodied Focus Session combining focused work sprints with movement, music, and community.
I keep coming back to these three questions:
Does this work help me feel more connected to myself and others, or more afraid, judgmental, and isolated? The small self thrives on isolation and the belief that we have no choice, because both make it easier to keep us trapped. This can be sneaky in a capitalist culture that prizes individualism and tells us to handle everything alone. These larger patterns of the system can reinforce the very separation the small self feeds on.
Is this work helping me become more willing to forgive myself and others? Forgiveness may not always feel available. But am I more willing to let go of the judgments I hold against myself and others, or am I finding more reasons to hold on to them?
Does this work give me more freedom to live, or more rules for how I’m supposed to be? Am I freer to try, make mistakes, and change my mind, or does every thought, feeling, and choice become something I need to analyze and correct?
With the inner work you’re practicing right now, does it create more freedom, or give you more ways to attack yourself and keep yourself trapped?
Thank you for joining me on the path of unconditioning,
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Hedi Shah
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👁️ Mindfulness Teacher & Bodyworker
🐉 Nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused strength training to target the cause of what keeps you stuck and in pain, not just symptoms.
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