Unconditioning My Relationship to Prayer

How I moved from resistance (for good reasons) to a practice that’s changing my nervous system and my life.

I remember lying on the ground after a powerful meditation. I felt gooey and relaxed, and tears were streaming down my cheeks.

The first thing I wrote in my journal was: “How could I forget this?”

My connection to the divine.

A deep remembering that there is a loving presence all around us.

This was back in 2020, during my Heart Resonance Practitioner training. That process opened my sight and restored my relationship with the Creator.

I realized there is a difference between meditating to relax or “work on yourself,” and meditating to connect with this unexplainable force.

Shortly after, I was introduced to writing prayer. It became one of the most powerful practices I have ever tried. The level of mind-body coherence I experienced was unmatched.

And yet, I was afraid to go all in.

On the surface, the reason was logical. I carry a deep resistance to indoctrination.

As someone who was Muslim by birth, and who has seen how religion can be used to suppress people, I could not fully let my guard down.

But there was another layer too. Whenever I connected deeply through prayer and meditation, life moved fast. Something shifted quickly. I was unconsciously scared of the momentum and the trust it asked of me.

This year has been challenging on many fronts. There were moments when I dropped to my knees and asked for help because my humanness and all of my nervous system regulation toolkit did not feel like enough to carry me forward.

After one of those breakdowns, I was on a Zoom call with a group of beautiful women. I shared what I was feeling and said I was craving a prayer practice. They volunteered to join me.

We began with an 11-day prayer practice together until the Equinox (and it still going), which Iranians celebrate as the new year. Shout out to you lovely humans 💚

Since that day, so much has changed for each person in that group. It was a huge reminder of the power of community, and of praying together for the life and world we actually want.

Lately, I also have been getting pings to record more prayer practices. I also noticed my only prayer practice on Insight Timer went semi-viral. I do not think I can ignore it anymore.

In the meantime, if you are craving a prayer practice too, you can start with this:

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….to help you move beyond the conditioning that keeps you stuck and in pain.

Thank you for joining me on the path of unconditioning,

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Hedi Shah
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👁️ Mindfulness Teacher & Bodyworker
🐉 Nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused strength training to target the cause of what keeps you stuck and in pain, not just symptoms.

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