Feeling behind
Resistance towards casting a vision for 2026
We live in a system that tells us we can have it all, while in reality, we rarely can have it all at the same time. This contradiction creates a constant sense of falling behind, of chasing satisfaction that always stays just out of reach.
I’ve seen this pattern in my own life and echoed again and again in my community. It feels like being trapped in a game designed without a winning condition, where time is always running out.
No wonder so many of us either collapse into numbness, feeling powerless in creating the life we want, or stay locked in fight or flight, desperately trying to prove that we are the exception, that somehow we can win a game that was never meant to be won.
{Scroll down for details on: Set Embodied Intention for 2026}
I’ve been feeling this especially strongly over the past two years, since turning 35. In particular:
I feel my biological clock ticking. I wonder whether we will ever reach the kind of stability that makes having a child feel grounded while constantly moving and lacking a solid, in-person community. I also question whether my body could handle it. And quietly, I grieve that I can no longer say with the same certainty I had in my twenties that I do not want children.
I am reaching ten years in business this year. I find myself comparing my nonlinear path to people with more linear careers and wondering whether financial stability will ever truly land. I imagine what might be different if I had chosen predictability over sovereignty.
I wonder if I have enough to prove the worthiness of the life I’ve lived.
Intellectually, I know all the counterarguments. I know the values I live by. I know why I chose this life. And yet, I find myself caught in a looping tension that logic does not resolve.
This became especially clear recently as I began sitting with my intentions for 2026. Instead of clarity or excitement, I noticed a surprising amount of resistance to envisioning at all. Almost as if part of me no longer trusted the promise of imagining a future.
It was in that space that I came across a poem in The Heroine’s Journey by Maureen Murdock. I highly recommend this book to any woman walking a path that does not fit neatly into the timelines we were given.
The best slave does not need to be beaten She beats herself. Not with a leather whip or with sticks or twigs, not with a blackjack or a billy club, but with the fine whip of her own tongue & the subtle beating of her mind against her mind. For who can hate her half so well as she hates herself? and who can match the finesse of her self-abuse? Years of training are required for this. - Erica Jong, "Alcestis on the Poetry Circuit
This poem was the reminder I needed…
This is the conditioning that rarely gets named. Aside from the impossible timelines and contradictory expectations, the additional exhaustion that comes from how thoroughly we learn to police ourselves. How quickly the voice of the system becomes the voice in our own heads. The voice that says you are late, behind, irresponsible, unrealistic, foolish for wanting what you want or not wanting what you are supposed to want.
Then the pressure increases so much that we stop dreaming altogether because it costs too much.
And suddenly all of our resistance makes sense.
Take a moment to reflect on this:
🕯️Where are you policing yourself to win a game you didn’t choose to play?
👁️ What your body has been trying to tell you?
The way we hold ourselves matters. Not just because of how it looks. But because it shapes how we live, how we relate, and what we’re capable of imagining. Let your body speak. Let it interrupt the collective war and offer you a new way of being entirely.
Client’s Unconditioning ↓
If you feel called to re-pattern your body, regulate your nervous system, and reclaim your power, I invite you to book Body Check-in call with me: https://tidycal.com/hedishah/the-alignment-diagnostic
During this session, we’ll assess your body’s current state, uncover hidden imbalances, and create a personalized movement plan to help you shift from tension into alignment.
Offerings↓ ↓
Set Embodied Intention for 2026
Jan 12th. Monday. 6 pm GMT
An immersive workshop for people who do not resonate with traditional New Year resolutions.
If setting intentions leaves you drained or disconnected, or if you feel pressure to know exactly what you want when you are not even sure what feels true for you, this experience offers a different approach.
Instead of forcing yourself into plans you cannot sustain, you will learn to root your intentions in the body.
You will gently integrate what the past year brought you, discern what you want to carry forward, release what no longer belongs to you, and step into the new year with clarity that rises from your own inner world rather than external expectations.
Thank you for joining me on the path of unconditioning,
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Hedi Shah
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👁️ Bodyworker & Mindfulness Teacher
🐉 Nervous system regulation, breathwork, and posture-focused strength training to target the cause of what keeps you stuck and in pain, not just symptoms.
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